New Year Resolutions? I’d Rather Love Myself Instead.

fortune cookie: First and Last Love is Self Love.

Creative Commons by bamalibrarylady via Flickr

As I pondered the arrival of 2014, assessing the emotional roller-coaster of 2012 and 2013, I realised that I always – I MEAN ALWAYS have the same resolutions. There’s no need to bang one’s head on the wall. If I jumped off a chair –Danish tradition– hoping to get my driver’s license in 1995 and we are now 2014, clearly the resolution pathway isn’t working.

Looking at everyone else’s lists, I am not alone here. Most people’s resolutions revolve around changing themselves. We want to exercise more, eat less or healthier, or nibble on twigs, I’m not sure exactly. We aspire to read more, secretly watch reality TV less, be better at cleaning up, keep a journal, bla bla bla. I am boring myself now.

What a way to start the new year! Yes let’s just beat ourselves up and fuel that little nasty voice whose rugged roots are so deeply intertwined in our brains.

My voice isn’t little either. She is big, booming. My inner bitch’s voice can carry far to every cell in my body. She’s the Bette Midler of inner voices. Only she isn’t the wind beneath my wings. She is the one plucking feathers. If I do manage to get air-bound, she aims at me with her bibi gun and has a fantastic freaking shot.

My resolutions for 2014?  I am gagging this bitch, tying her up and throwing her in the back closet of my mind until I can find a way to expectorate her. This is the year of self-love. This year I will embrace my strengths, my perceived flaws and whatever weaknesses and I will celebrate them. This is who I am. Why would I want to change that?

Many of the things I consider personality flaws simply aren’t. They are aspects about myself that can be seen in a positive or negative light. I used to think of myself as an over-carer and over-sharer. In truth I am compassionate and trusting.  That doesn’t have to be bad. If we take the time to stop beating ourselves up, we can learn to see the advantages and perhaps how to wield them better. From now on I choose positive.

As far as looks and health go, well it’s tough now that we live in a world that seems obsessed on image and documenting it constantly. I try not to care and yet find it difficult. The best advice I heard from a friend recently is that 95% of ourselves are just who we are. There are small things we can change if we really so desire: maybe our hair colour, maybe go to the gym a bit more often but that probably amounts to about 5% so the next time you are staring in the mirror, obsessing over the shape of your eyebrows, then book a threading appointment. As far as your ribcage goes, learn to love it; it’s not going to change. The best thing I’ve done? Eliminating mirrors.

When you love yourself and stop beating yourself up, the few changes you might like to make become so much easier. Remember: no change comes easily. There will always be setbacks so if you must, do it slowly and more importantly, do it kindly.

Wishing you all a 2014 full of self-love. MOUAH, MM

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